|I was getting his dinner ready.|
|Cuddling with Buzz. I miss it.|
|Buzz and Rascal|
Even though I was in no way sure I could actually follow through with the appointment, I gave Buzz the very best last hours on this earth I could dream up for him.
Monday he spent the day at work with me. Up front, behind the desk, in the bed he was always so sure he fit in but didn't. Well, we made it so he fit in there.
|Extra blankets made it work.|
We got Arby's on the way home. I'd been stopping to get him french fries more often the last couple of months and he definitely had a preference for Arby's curly fries. So that's what we got. I even shared a roast beef sandwich with him. Then he got two servings of dinner at home.
When we got home, Tim said "we're having movie night with Buzz." So we moved my mattress to the floor. I hadn't cuddled with Buzz all night long in months. Having him up high on my bed was dangerous, because he'd lost bed privileges due to trying to get off by himself to get a drink in the middle of the night. He slept soundly between my legs until a very early morning potty call. When we got back inside, I just pet his head for hours while he slept peacefully. He was due for his Adequan injection, and I very consciously administered it. I wanted his last day to be as happy and painfree as possible.
Tuesday morning dawned sunny and clear. It was perfect. Lauren graciously offered to meet us at the park bright and early to take pictures. This is where I really, really just wanted to call everything off. He was happy and alert, he was so vibrant. We had so much fun while Buzz ate his McDonald's breakfast. I might have cried just as much as I laughed.
I had emailed my coworkers earlier in the day, and Julia had known since Sunday. Buzz and I enjoyed the spa together for the last time. I fed him, I pet him, I filled the tank up as high as I could and he thoroughly enjoyed the jets. I cried. I cried so hard. This was the most difficult decision I'd ever made. I wanted to pick Buzz up and drive far, far away. Away from reality, away from death.
But we had important places to be. Lauren, Tim, Buzz, and I went to Dairy Queen. Buzz ordered a banana split and cheese curds.
|OM NOM ICE CREAM!|
|Why you move the ice cream away?!|
|A little something on yer face.|
|Buzz didn't want the banana. He wanted the ice cream off the banana.|
After DQ we went to a pet supply store to look at the fish and small animals, a very favorite Buzz activity. Oh, and also to smell all the things in all the aisles. He picked out some more treats too.
When we arrived home, it was time to settle in on the bed again. It was time to pet Buzz for the last time. To watch him sleep peacefully. My only wish was that he would be so tired and full and content that he would be sound asleep when Dr. Raeyna arrived. I sat next to him and I pet him. My best laid plans had worked. He quickly dozed off.
|So full. So tired. The last picture I took of him.|
My heart was broken.
My Buzz Lightyear. I whispered how sorry I was. And I thanked him for being the best dog ever. As I sobbed into his fur for the last time, I said good bye, for now.
To Infinity and Beyond.